fields of innocence ;


some blatantly left the game.
like bandits , you stole my heart away.
how could i say i'll not sway , when surge of happiness is flowing right through my spine.
let this fate intertwine.
let us find our way ,
just the both of us ,
we'll disappear on the glimmering sliver threading.



i looked again at the battered remains of the man who mean so much to me.

i'm having a very bad migrane now ):
i don't know it's migrane until isaac told me so.
aint i dumb? :D
hahaha , i think so.
got most of my results back today.
damned.
did considerably mediocre compared to the both pure classes.
21/100 for chinese.
please be so proud of me.
i don't know how i get it do.
only genius can do it.
alvin and i were competing to see who gets higher.
ultimately, i won (: (:
B3 for social studies and emath.
i could have gotten A2 for emath but i forgot to label graph and there goes my A2.
):
c5 for chemistry.
something i studied so super hard yet only a C5.
BUTBUTBUT , considering that only 11 people pass (: that's quite an encouragement .
heh.
A2 for english (:
happy and satisfied (:
F9 for addmath , expected.
failed my physics and i think i suck cause i could have passed. i think (:

so here's targets for eoy.
english : A2.
chinese (HEHE.) : c6
emath : A1/A2.
chemistry : B3
physics : B3
addmath: c6.
comb humans : B3/ B4

hahah , 4 more weeks to study hard (:

heehaw (: had netball inter-house just now.
we won two teams , so into finals with the ruggers this thursday.
netball was so tough yet fun today.
at that very instant when i was comtemplating to put in a shot when i was pretty far away from the ring ,
screams of "sophia just score" rang all around and suddenly someone shouted "sophia don't shoot!"
i was petrified i swear , but i put in a beautiful goal.
you know , it just feels great when everyone comes to you and goes like damned good sophia.
it rocks! (:
haha ,
i shall stop BOASTING :D
haha , i'm not.
headed home.
and pop , migrane.
goodnight people.


and hey , you know it saddens me so much to see the big change in you.
i'm speechless about you.
are you still you or a deformed you?

whispering gentle prayers everynight , making sure that of all people ,

the God above protects you first.

don't get me wrong , cause this might sound to you a bit odd.

you are but a memory , someone i miss and not love.

it's impossible to go through life without trials and struggles being thrown at you.

maybe sometimes we should just look back on that eventful day with a mixture of humour, immense gratitude and humility.

we've tried all life preserving maneuvers we could think of , running the gamut from practical to ridiculous.

but , what purposes are we driving at so hard to keep our lives the way we want.

complex.

the more you do it , the less simple it'll be.

we thought all that could alleviate our struggle.

but take another glance at the people living in squalor with dirty nappies littering the house and a foul stench of urine in the air ; a clear indication of near imminent death.

yet , we are tantalised by the rich scent lacing under our roofs.

fussing over the fabrics we wear.

no one saw how the columns that spelled our fortunes compared.

"even the very fury they lavished on each other was a brick in this unseen creation , a structure that reveals itself increasingly as the world falls apart."

yes, we said we'll do a part.

tomorrow? next month ? next year or never.

never did.

omg i felt so flattered in school today ,
by like ben sim, marvin, leonard , kelvin , alvin.
hahah , just because i've done my acids bases tys and understand like 80% of it , and have already started my kinematics tys and completed my sets tys with most of it correct.
you know today they just made me soar up to the sky.
hahah , but i'm rather proud of myself please.

1. i taught leonard cheng acids bases when our class genius couldn't get the answer too!
2. ben sim wants me to teach him sets
3. HI! xiaowei is here.ahhaahhahahahahaha.

and i don't know lah.

eeek , xiaowei and i are super eeeeeee-d with someone now.

booyaa!

the gayest thing is boredom i swear.
i've got a long list of things to study yet i'm just too lazy to get my ass on my desk's chair.
i just want to sit by the window and don't feel bored at all.
stupid isn't it? yes , people always want things in their own way & i just happened to be one of them.
okay , i'm really bored!
i'll go braddell to look for gwen later (: or maybe i'll meet roytong.
i'm indecisive indecisive indecisive! ]:
and yes , i ate durian puffs this morning .
yumm.


went kkh yesterday and this is what the doctor said >

>> doctor : are you still on hormone pills?

>> sophia : yes. does it makes me fat? i've been gaining alot of weight!

>> doctor : yes it does makes you put on alot of weight. but you're still so skinny.

>> sophia : no i'm not anymore! can you prescribe something else that won't make me gain weight?

>> doctor : okay , i'll give you oral contraceptives for one month's consumption.

>> sophia : oh wow , aint oral contraceptives for other purposes? and will it makes me lose weight to what i used to be?(giggles)

>> doctor : yes it's to prevent pregnancy like condom just that it's pills. BUT IT HELPS TP REGULATE MENSES TOO! so don't worry. you'll lose weight and get back to 44 kg alright. now go to the pharmacist and get your oral contraceptives.

& sophia ran excitedly to the pharmacist to get her miracle(:

and that stupid nurse measured my height wrongly.
it's 166cm and maybe because she's way shorter than me so she couldnt take the accurate height so it became 163cm!

sometimes you hold so tight , it slips right through your hand.

the labour of love we planted didn't culminate , did it?

maybe i've gotten accustomed to your presence , it just doesn't feel right being so hollow right inside.

i was downright stupefied when you brought me to the carousel ride and snow play.

it just felt like all our storms abated and on that very night , there are only two stars shining for you and i.

a notion to scream baby i love you baby i love you baby i love you.

do they understand what i mean when i say i love you?

no the world don't ,

cause the meaning of my love is really too esoteric for them.

just you and i ,

we'll succumb to the adoration we can't even douse.

till now , won't someone snap me back to the harsh reality.

it's like a thrust of heavy rocks , yet i don't feel the weight at all.

[:
hehehe hello!
i came back from indo on friday.
it was so fun so fun.
though karimun's like a really poor town , it's beyond comprehension how much i enjoyed myself there.
and most importantly , the kids that i taught were amazingly lovely.
the food , lodging and all were rather good.

irvin , shermaine and shandy.

my sugar rush.

i won't forget this entire trip i had with you sweet shids.

especially when we screamed and totally let our hair down in irvin's room.

imitating and posing like everyone.

and when all of us were so giddy on the ferry , we stood firm together and helped each other.

and through laughter and concern (and potato chips!) , we pulled through.

also , when we climbed mt jantan.

all so memorable.

three beautiful ladies , i'm awfully sorry that i've fallen for you!

& we'll have another good good time on the bed next trip to china okay!

<3

the best part of the trip.
omgomgomg.
the class of kids that i taught sang mungkin nanti for me! :D
i swear they're so lovely that i just wanna cuddle all of them tightly , but circumstances don't permit huh.
HAHAHA (:
anyhows , i took a video of them singing.
i'll upload when i have the time.
heheh , i can only remember this
> boleh saya ke tandas.
which means "may i go to the toilet please"
:D


have we ever wonder what we can do for them.
just a little bit of our love can be a whole lot of happiness to them.
& what is poverty when being happy is all matters.
the smile on their face is again beyond comparison to the materialism we have.


maybe i'm closing my door on you.
maybe i'm falling on deaf ears.
once again , it's easier said than done.

hey dickhead, maybe you should just STOP invading my damned privacy and stop going in as and when you like.
things like that were NEVER meant for you.
you're a flying pisser.
stop crossing my boundaries , because i don't like it.
& i'm getting really pissy with you.


; leaving for indonesia tomorrow.
GOD BLESS ME.
the trip doesn't sound a wee bit fadge.

i'm gonna miss that hot shid!
:D

>>

sophia > hey bestie , you know where should i go for a nice haircut?

roytong(bestie) > roy's house.

sophia > you go and die lah :D

roytong > hey you get the best f_ _ks here. hahaha.


haha , that's my bestfriend for you.
still as cheeky.
i'll check your salon out in future okay.
-----------------------------------------

went tanning at safra today.
home and went to eat with aunt niko's family.
and went to her house.
she bought fudges and durian puffs from emicakes.
omgomgomg , they are hella nice (:


gonna tuition tomorrow morning.
and nat's gonna accompany me to cut hair in town.
gonna stay there to mug awhile i guess.


heh.
saw 2 korean hot stuffs today when i was walking to mrt station.
melted.
and my sister just told me most of them actually stay at the condominium opposite my house (:
distance makes the heart grows fonder.
hahah!


kirk's being nice to me today (:
seasonal fling! , it's august now.
oh no!
hahah(:

omgomg , i swear they're the hottest goods on earth (:
heh , i just got back from swimming.
saw like 5 of em'
2 when i was walking out and 3 hot shids when i was buying waffle.
man , i pee-ed in my pants :D
holy shid.
they were like in a rush and shhheeeewww , we exchanged glance.
damned.
hot stuffs.
not like those gay guys in those korean movies.
hahahah.
i have a fetish on korean goods(those hot shids) now (:
haha , GOD BLESS ME.
i don't wanna shift out of chinese garden anymore.
FEEE FOOOOOO.
i'm crazy i know.
i'm exaggerating things a little too.
hahaha!

the ash brown curly middle length hair , covering the small squinting eyes.

chocolate brown body with the almighty calves muscle.

the nonchalent look yet the squeek of your laughter

; simply mesmerizing.

HAHA , i'm talking about this korean guy i saw this morning when i went downstairs to get some stuffs.

omgomg , he's dripping hot.

there are like two of them.

and i'm always seeing them when i skip school.

haha!

some hot stuffs i swear.

they're the korean national soccer team training VERY near my place.

HEHEHE(:

omg.

we smiled to each other.

they're just like the fire in the chimney.

oh damn.

&&& now i'm going to swim with my sister.

it's just right beside their training field!

hahaha(:

i know i'm mad.

but i'm really going there just to tan!

everything's just draining me out. studies , piano , my sore throat etc.
yeah , basically everything.
so many many tests coming up that i can hardly breathe.
just finished mum's potato salad.(it's really nice!)
this whole week is darn hectic.
i swear if i were to squeeze another thing in , i'd be dead by sunday.

all i need is just a little bit.
and i'm taking these footsteps one by one , making sure i won't fall again.
because i'm bidding goodbye to the promises we made ; something that you've long forgotten.


&&& bestfriends , i'm so irritated by him.
omgomgomg.
will you just send me to the furthest hut so he won't know where i am.
i'm so grossed out.
EEEEWWWWWW.

i'm like finally back at my comp desk , managed to steal some time to take a rest and use the comp.

but i won't be back any sooner (: heh.

monday ;

i ponned school (:

it was retarded.

had to go ijc for some celebration thing which shandy said was super boring.

but all of em' were like telling me there was this super hot tp guy.

haha!

so i stayed at home to study.

tuesday ;

schooled and went COLD STORAGE with shermaine to do our "grocery".

lol.

it was fun.

went for piano lesson.

uncle daniel told me my piano exam will be on 23june.

like omg , i'm so scared.

he was like "sophia , you played quite zai(some dialect) today."

sophia said " huh? zai? mmm , squeezy? played quite squeezily?!! "

OKAY , MISTER NAT WAS LAUGHING WHEN I TOLD HIM.

then , mummy's birthday.

went to some hongkong restaurant to eat.

wednesday ;

studied with shermaine at macs.

home.

went to aunt niko's house and all of us went to some hongkong restaurant (again) at marina square.

it was darn nice baby./

thursday ; studied with shermaine and alistair came over.

tuitioned.

friday ; schooled.

tanned at safra.

went to meet nat at causeway point.

!@!@$#%@$^%&

HE KEPT LAUGHING AT MY CHINESE & HE SAID HE'S GONNA TELL BEN!

omgomgomg.

you better don't, if not he'l like tease me everytime he sees me.

home.

saturday ;

tanned with shermaine at safra.

studied.

MP3 HANGED! :D

hahaha.

met xiaowei to go tuition.

poor bestie sprained her ankle.

haha.

the edge ; awesome.

samuel and i are talking about it now!

tomorrow , sunday ;

breakfast at dim sum restaurant then church.

gramps' place.

maybe meeting roytong or xiaowei tomorrow.

okay , i see no point in blogging.

screw blogs.

haha!

bye.

the sun stopped shining since the day you left.

i could hardly leave that embrace , and move away from those words.
when your nose brushed my hair ,
when the alphabets moved through my body ,
the touch of your hand ,
the split second carress of our flesh ;
i'll never want to forget.


two hours flew like 2 minutes.
i'd rather spend a day in your court than to spend a thousand years with this world.
how i wish everyday was my birthday.

so what if they're gonna love me better.

still , i wanna stick with you forever.

even the nastiest tinge of air you exhaled didnt stop me from fixing my ass next to you.

okay celeste , i'm gonna blog this once and for all.

why can't i think you're gross?
doesn't everyone has their own freedom of expression and view.
i did not bitched about you until you started the whole conflict thing this year.
like because you think i'm like snatching isaac and all that bullshit which was so untrue.
you bitched about me like mad since then and i did not do a thing to you.
not because i'm like hiding.
but i don't wanna make things worse.
your words and actions didnt bother me.
you can do whatever you like , i can't control.

and if you ever thought that i was like trying to be like you or like your wannabe.
that's part of your wishful thinking.
why would i wanna be like you when i'm pleased with who i am.
1) i've got my loved ones around me who love me for who i am.
2) i've got what i mean by true friends sharing weals and woes with me.
3) i happily and easily made it into express and got the combination i've always wanted.
4) i'm contented with my features.
5) and i'm totally satisfied with the way i behave and how my character reflects.

and if you think that by showing the video around is ruining me , then i tell you it's not.
cause i've people whom you've shown to come telling me
" don't bother about celeste cause she has nothing better to do. she doesn't need to study. "



and if you think that it's better for me to go up to you to tell you that you're gross rather than to like just blog once about it , then that's your own perspective.
i don't like to go around screaming and shouting or go right to you to tell you that i don't like you.
cause i don't want to rub more conflicts.
you can do whatever you like , and i'm just gonna continue doing my own things.
cause that damned mouth is yours.
if showing the damned video around makes you happy , then go ahead.
you bear the consequences you're gonna face if there are gonna be.
you live your life.
and i live my own.
i don't wanna care anymore cause it's just a plain waste of time.
if you think i'm like depressed or affected by the video , then i'm telling you i'm not.
i'm wearing a smile on my face and joy lingering in my heart.
i wouldn't want to give a shit about things you're gonna do.
if you think i hate you , i don't.
cause i can't be bothered to.
and i have better things like studying and friends.

eww you're damned gross please.
tuition-ed this morning.
and head down to town to look for mother and all.
bought clothes.
heh!
and home.
and i'm so flying grossed out.



if that's what you think , i don't give a rat's ass.
it's your call honey.

denial is the window to desires.
revenge is the remedy for anger.
isn't that what you think.
i'm left speechless to have seen what had gotten into you.
especially when you ask me bang off.
& used all the words i never want to hear from you.



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
heh , i studied this morning.
cause i was in a good mood.
nothing's gonna dampen my mood for a week!
nda i rmoseip ot vlei ot ese ouy.
aphpiesns si lwasya inlergngi hwne ouyr'e ehre iwht me.
ALL SMILES! :D

i've got my prince and knights.
& my prince turned into a frog long time ago.
maybe it's time to reciprocate my knights.
how can i ever forget this prince of mine.

prince ;
everything just feels so right when i'm with you.
you made me glued to this happiness ; which i'll never think of leaving.
i had basked into the likeness of the sunset we caught , please don't push me off the cliff.
your smile is my joy , and your frown is my downpour.
the beautiful footprints we left behind ; the rain's washing it away.
my little spectrum of light.
that carressing lips.
the touch on the vivacious curves.
the almighty embrace.
the eyes that hypnotizes.


knights ;
i'm sorry for hurting you.
i don't know why i'm doing all these and leaving you in a lurch.
i don't deserve all you're doing.
you make me feel so secure all the time.
everytime when i'm worn out and torn , all i need to tell myself is i've got you.
you can wear a smile on my face when the sky turns grey.
& you always pick me up when i fall.
appreciative and much treasured.
there's just a wall between us.
it just doesn't seem right.
and my heart can't contain anymore.



yeah , what bestie said is true.
i'm just a small little girl.
i need guidance and i'll never know what's good for me , even when they're right in front of me.
i went away to hide , just to believe in myself.
it's not the goodness of the outcome.
it's what that really makes me love and smile , just for my RNICPE.

left school at 9plus today cause of menstrual cramp.

it was horrid baby!

went to the doctor's to get my pills )):

and i'll have to start controlling my diet.

haha!

went home to bathe and all.

went down to republic poly to look for my dearest joel and nat.

NAT WAS LAUGHING AT ME JUST BECAUSE I ALIGHTED AT THE WRONG STOP.

like wth , & i was like "why i can't see the school , so damned ulu."

-.-

so nat fetched me from there.

OMGOMGOMG.

rp is quite nice la.

glass built and all.

HAHA! (:

went to the canteen then to joel's class.

haha!

he kept asking his classmates stupid questions about me.

BESTFRIEND BESTFRIEND.

always bullying me.!

but i was scaring his friends! (MY HOBBY! :D)

LOL.

left there at 5 with nat for causeway point.

bought our drinks and sat by the fountain or whatever you call that.

& i saw pelyntan and all.

and i shouted like really loud "PELYN TAN PELYN TAN."

that stupid girl just ran away cause she thinks i'm publicising her name.

LOL.OMG.

joel came.

and we decided to go sengkang.

haha!

SO ULU , I KNOW! :D

went to publicise pelyn's name for the last time.

cabbed to sengkang.

THEY WANTED ME TO PAY AND IN THE END NICE NICE NAT ASKED ME TO KEEP MY WALLET.

then nat went to play with his other friends while joel and i sat down to talk.

OUR DAMNED BACKSIDE WERE SO PAINFUL!

and the lazy pointer thing was quite funny.

hahaa.

nat sent us to the bus stop.

heh!

i was being so demanding.

i wanted him to go for dinner with us iunstead of playing with his friends.

so i gave him another 1/2 an hour to play while elf and i sat at the playground to talk.

BESTFRIEND , WE HAD A NICE TALK! (:

AND I REMEMBER OUR COVENANT.

ILOVEYOU!

took a bus to hougang to eat. (I KNOW , SO ULU AGAIN! HEH.)

nat went home to bathe , and elf and i ate.

we talked again. HAHA

nat came back and eat.

elf and i left at 10.15?

cabbed back home and we started pouring our hearts out again.

BESTFRIEND , WE'RE SO AWESOME AINT WE? ((:

okay , and joel didnt want me to pay again!

but being the nice me , i gave him half the cabfare.

and home!

called isaac before i sleep.

haha!

he's a very nice friend!

and i had a splendid dream.

i was just at the verge of letting you go , but somehow this dream pulls me back to you.

i shouldn't have slept.

if i could wake up , i'll choose to wake up.

cause i know it's just a dream.

i love joel ang.

i love joel ang.

i love joel ang.

i love joel ang.

i love joel ang.

i love joel ang.

i love joel ang.
i love joel ang.
i love joel ang.
i love joel ang.
i love joel ang.
i love joel ang.

i love joel ang.
i love joel ang.
i love joel ang.
i love joel ang.
i love joel ang.
i love joel ang.
i love joel ang.

HAHA.

BE PROUD OF ME MY BESTFRIEND.