♥ carouselride

I think i brought this upon to myself. This choice and path , i decided for myself. I don't know what i am thinking what i am feeling i just wish nothing like that had happened. When you are oblivious to your own greed , you tend to lose more than what you already have. I'm wrapping up everything tonight and moving on with my tomorrow. Right now , the last thing i need is for ANYONE to ask me what's going on. Anyone and everyone. Just let me be.



Another thing , my studies is so friggin screwed. I don't regret going to a Jc , and i still don't regret not studying hard enough for the past few months even though my result is incorrigible. I've never , in my life , gotten such results. I'm left with two more months to push myself to study if not for sure , i am retaining. Will i do myself some justice please. I think i deserve more than cheesepie U grade and S grade for every subject including chinese and geography. Took a f look at the grade on my geog paper and i almost died at that instance but i hid my feelings cos the atmosphere in the LT wasn't that good already. My gp and econs are not any better either. Yknow what , i feel so f up now this is my first time using f* in my blog since donkey years. I am feeling dumb and useless here but yknow what , i won't give up just like that. Not when i know there's still hope. But in any unfortunate case , if i can't make it for promos i think most of my friends would be kinda happy too cos they're waiting for me to join them in poly for ball loads of fun. Goodness gracious , how can i be thinking of that. I need to rant , i'm sorry friends. And i'm gonna continue. I don't know how would my parents feel if they know i actually did so badly , so much worse than any time in my entire life. Doing so badly in the most crucial phase of education. Doing so badly when i told them it'd be fine. Doing so badly i feel like i've done myself wrong , did myself some big injustice. I wish i could slap myself but yknow i just won't. Feel like crap when my parents pin so much hope on me , paid for my tuition fees without complaints , don't check on me cos they believe i will study. Oh wells. Okay i think i deserve every scolding from them , any humiliation from my tutors , and self reproach for now. I hope God will help me through cos i can't do it myself. they say happiness come in two but for me , bad things come in two. I wanna take JIP and my result off my mind.



My birthday is in two days' time and i wish it'd be a blast so that happiness can replace these troubles. Sheng , my family , aunt niko's family , chenyelfphia&co , bestie alist , fionalove , vera , angelyn , jeesister , gabriel , leolun, greg , elton , nat , elroi , gerri , cheeseboy , jl , aj , isaacchannn , natasha ning , leon bosco , james , danny , rico , bee , amy , eunice and deb , limjiayi , joelleong , julene , rebecca , natasha , nasriah. I wish i can spend it with this whole lot of people cos they're the ones who can make me feel happy and also people who mean alot to me(or will mean alot eventually ,i know).
I really wish i can put everything aside and have a good one this year.