Study break officially starts today! (: whopeee! Today is also gonna be my last day to slack or play(and it's over). I need to mug every single day , at least 5 hours a day (: sounds like a plan ay? I am very strapped for cash this month cos i spent quite alot this month on god knows what. Eating and mega cabbing , yea i think. I'm left with 12bucks in my purse and another $X0 in my card ): not cool not cool! i ordered quite a number of tops online few weekds back and it's gonna be mailed to me soon. I just went shopping online and i saw another three that caught my eye in less than 5 mins , and i still need to place order for my camo. I need lots of moolah who want to give me? (: TWO MORE DAYS TO ALLOWANCE DAY!











Leo was also there yesterday! Boy , i missed him so friggin much goodness gracious it has been ages since i met him.











After sending leo's sister and mum off , michelle fetched us to bugis and sheng and i went to tanglin to see a chiropractic. He slipped and fell so he got a sore neck and shoulder. Hahah it was hilarious when the doctor was examining his body , he whined like a kid. Okkkkk , so anyways his parents were also there. His dad went for his wrist therapy. Hahah problematic father and son. His parents and us went to newton to for "tea break". Sheng and i ordered satay and chicken wings zzzomggg newton's food is the ultimate bombxzxzx puhl-ease. Chit chat all , then i went to gwen's place to play wii! (: I reached home at about 12.30 and i hit the sack by 12.45 after bathing. Sleep sleep sleep , i need that alot.

Today is teacher's day , and i actually went to school. I think it's the first lessonless day that i attended in pj ever since J1 started. Teehee. It was quite a bore initially especially the mass/fun dance. There's only like one big group of students indulging in it while the rest of the bigger group was staring at them and stoning -.- thanks. Ultimatum bore for that. The concert was pretty good i thought. Natnat was dancing , caster was drumming and i kinda like the acoustic cover of you and me.(:

Thereafter , i headed back to christchurch with adriel and dawn. JULENEJULENEJULENE! :D That stupid girl hugged me so friggin tight she even wanted to lift me up. Bec and i hugged and ran in circles too! I'M BRUDY HAPPY TO SEE THEM ZZZOMG I CAN'T EXPRESS ENOUGH. JULENEBECJULBEC I MISS YALL A HEAP LOADS. After promos ok , i promise i really promise we'll meet up i love yall X10000000000. I saw mdm wan too , i ran to her and gave her a hug too.My favourite laoshi. (: haha. Saw alot of girlies that i used to hang out with and we had alot to talk about. Dean and i sat in the canteen just gossiping and reminiscing for like a good half and hour? After all that crazy moment of feeling superbly ecstatic , i took a train down to town to meet sheng , aj , lim and terry. We went to paragon to buy tori-q lunch and walked around after that. We went to lucky plaza's arcade to play some coin machine thing , omg machiam damn fun k. It's damn addictive it got me hooked. Confirm chop garantee i'm going back there to play. Hahah those guys also told me about what they did to barker this morning. Naughty naughty. How i wish all of you got caught , then it'd be more eggciting. Hahah. Ok after spending hours in the arcade , sheng and i went back home (: my fingers are getting lazy. So , bye!

Below are some photos of last week at penny's place.

I MISS LEO.

I'm feeling scared. Scared of losing people who mean the most to me, scared of imperfections , scared of losing to myself and to words that often times pierce through my heart. I feel like i am constantly trembling and shivering , i mean emotionally. My family , i wish they know how much i really love them and stop doubting or testing my love. My sister , sometimes i wish she knows how much i love her. My parents , i wish they could just give me the best support i need for my studies and piano but no. Each day words that come out of their mouth regarding these have to pierce right through my heart. Their words and discouragement carry the most venom cos they are people whom i love the most in the entire world. But they do not seem to understand this point. They always think i put myself before them , always think that i am heartless. I just don't express myself well , to everyone and anyone. Sometimes i wish they ask me how much i love them so i can spill everything out to them.How could she tell me that she's giving me two weeks to prove how much i love this family. How much that hurts me y'know , to even doubt my love. How could she tell me that my dad has lost hope in me , in my studies. Now , gimme a reason why should i continue to work hard and believe in myself when a person whom i put above me cease believing me. As i'm writing this plain , i am sitting right here crying but i don't want to stop typing cos this is prolly the best outlet to relieve and alleviate my pain temporarily. & esther please do know , i really love you despite all the quarrel we have.

I'm so terrified for what our future may bring for us. After the renditions of events that took place two weeks ago , i am really unsure about how strong this relationship is gonna be. We've always been strong souls together in building this relationship but for a moment that it crumbled , it sparked off fear in me. I fear what our road ahead lies , fear for what that's gonna knock on our door. Can we really place everything behind us and continue walking like how we used to? I fear so much that i dreamt of the thing that happened last week happen again today and i kept to my words and ended everything. Only then i realise how life would not be life without you , but how even more tiring it would be for me if i held on to you. Those were in my dream , but it felt so surreal. Yes , i'm still holding on to you hoping that things will change for the better for us , hoping that i will feel more secure once again. Please do not doubt my love , for i would not have thought so much and feel so much about it if i didn't care at all. I love you