Do you know how much i am hurting right now solely because of you? I promised you and promised myself to give you as much time and space as you want, indeed i am doing so but do you know that deep down within me i wish i could just call you and text you freely. I wish we could talk through the night like we always did. You said i was your special rubbish bin because i am someone you can freely talk to, because i am someone who will hear you cry and not judge you, because i used to be someone you were so comfortable with saying anything and everything that you've possibly just told me alone. Because you told me that things between us will never change and that you will be there for me always and forever, because of the hopes you gave me, the trust i placed in you is making me crumble. I don't know why am i writing this cos i know it's not gonna change anything but there's no other outlet anymore. I am hurting so much inside, do you know? I can't say your name here because i still want to protect you from the cyberspace, because i know things like that are meant for just you and i but i'm dying i'm dying i'm dying. I hardly cry over a friend but you make me think of this almost every two nights and there's no way i can hide from what's killing me softly inside. I think of you, i think of the times you've been there for me, i think of the things we had been through together, i think of the promises you've made, and then i think of what's left of us now. I don't want to cry over you anymore. You'll think i'm silly, you might even think that the me now is irritating but i can't help it because you mean so much to me i can't just stand by and do nothing. You know, i've never taken you for granted not even once. And i know very well how good you were to me so why must we be like that over ____.
Sometimes i wish i was stronger than what i really am, or at least as strong as what i portray but no i am not. When it comes to you and i, to people who mean the world to me, i feel so vulnerable. Every little word and action coming from you can make the biggest impact on me. I wish i could just not give two hoots about you, but you know i can't. I know i can't.
I feel so silly. One of my girlfriend's experiencing the same thing and i told her to brace up and be strong and not cry to sleep, but i can't even do it myself.
*bkk photos are in my fb already. i'll put up some here when i'm free or something.
