♥ carouselride

the grandmother ;

All of us , you and i are not spared from the clutches of menacing death. That , of course includes someone closely endeared to me and that's my grandmother. As i rummaged into the past , recollections started pouring in at such a speed it startled me.

It was something about her kindness , the offer of assistance without getting anything in return. Her face and midget body complements with her immaculate self. I had returned to a moment that had lain buried until now.

I grew up under the care of my grandmother till i was about five years old. During that period of sojourn , life was nothing more than extraordinary. Living past those mundane years with her , we still shared moments of joy and happiness. Every spaces between each second was the intermittent glints of bonding and love. She was like a close friend to me. Whenever i think about how empty my own life was , how devoid of relationships , she was my source of comfort , siphoning each and every weaknesses and doubts gradually. Whenever i feel daunted , she'd alleviate the fear and obscure the dark clouds for me . We had our piece of fun and laughter , which left people with a pang of envy. Like any other grandmothers , she'd bring me along to do groceries and introduce me to her friends in the market. Though it was really dirty and wet there , I always enjoyed accompanying her. She was adept at bargaining prices and that always leave us with peals of laughter. I just want to bask into the moment of sheer happiness again. But , good and beautiful things always come to an end.

She often smokes and drinks , much to the detriment of her health. The foul stench leading to a daunting terminal disease. She was bed-ridden and renditions of surgeries took place , but to no avail. I was struck by a feeling of immense space , feeling uneasy without her as I was already accustomed to her presence. Her voice began to faint away , and under the unscrupulous hands of fate , she left us without bidding goodbye.

I was stupefied at the sight of her dead corpse. Never realised the emotional impact, the way it slowed and fragmented one's thought. The surge of adrenaline drained me completely at the thought of not being able to accompany her through her very last journey. Silence of the ward seemed to envelope me. I was crying helplessly. Her words reverberating at the back of my mind vaguely. I gnawed my nails , succumbed to the tragedy reluctantly. I abhor the thought of living without her , without someone to douse me when i'm faulting. My throat felt parched. I hemmed and hawed , " Grandma , i love you. " as i wrenched my eyes away from her. To know that it's not only my parents who emboldened me , but also my grandmother who took care of me , played with me , protected me and loved me for who I am ; that's my greatest comfort and blessing.

this is an essay i found in my cupboard while i was packing my room.

though a story , it speaks of reality.

after which , my world fractured into something unrecognisable.

i miss her.